We dont always have to be strong. Sometimes our strength is expressed in being vunerable. Sometimes we need to fall apart to be able to re group and stay on track.

We all have days when we can not push any harder, can not hold back self doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong. There are days when we can not focus on being responsible.

Occasionally, we dont want to get out of our pyjamas. Sometimes we cry in front of people. We expose our tiredness, irritability or anger. Those days are ok, they are just ok. part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to fall apart when we need to.

We do not need to be perpetual towers of strength, we are strong and have proven that. Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak and vunerable when we need to experience those feelings. Today help me to know that it is ok to allow myself to be human

Help me not feel guilty or punish myself or feel guilty for when i need to fall apart. For i feel myself slipping and need to know everything is going to be ok.

Random thought:
why do certain things that are meant to help answer questions cause more?

first off i would like to wish everyne a happy new year, hope u all had safe and happy holidays and didnt do anything i wouldnt do hahahaha

to start my new year off i started painting again, started working out and now im on an eating plan too so hopefully more weight loss, woot!!!

been feeling very relaxed latley whch is cool, probably coz ive had no work lol so thats alwyas helpful

i start my diploma in less then a month an i turn 18 in like 4

you always find
one perfect way
to ruin
a beautiful day

im not gonna be worthless anymore
tomorrow im gonna walk out that door
im sick of you, and how you dont care
im sick of feeling as low as the floor

hit me, kick me, push me push me down
make me fall to the ground
im sick of feeling this way
making me this way where i want to just drown

im not gonna be worthless anymore
tomorrow im gonna walk out that door
im sick of you, and how you dont care
im sick of feeling as low as the floor







coz im not gonna be worthless anymoe i know im worth more no matter what some dumb pig thinks...

Well
i have two jobs now so yaay lots of money and no time to spend it apart from at the petrol station lol. I still have cos cut and now im a kids entertainer (painting faces, fairy floss jumping castles etc) with jellybean amusments so fun fun

Its trippy to think how kinda close it is to christmas, especially aince i had to put up stupid decorations at work lol.

Ive been really sick latley too so that just sucks lol

i also got my tounge pierced so im talking like a retard, i got the most horrible looks at work the past 2 days and i dont even wanna think about tomorrow.

I dont really know what else to say, im working a few tat sketches, and ive booked mine in for just after christmas and ive been working on some writing too, ive been so busy ive barley even gone out let alone wrote anything lol.

I guess i should end this here plus i have to go to bed lol

thought i should prob write in this...yeah

my minds been reallt scattered latley i dunno wats going on with me its weird, like almost got into an accident this week, scared the shit out of me too.

Ive been a bit sick latley just like cold flu kinda crapola but it still sucks, i think im just rundown from working so much and prob not eating right and not sleeping well enough, i dunno but coz the past 2 weeks ive had mad twitches in my hands and shit and not little ones, they last for like 2-3 hours its weird and when i go to bed my whole right arm ahces, i dunno maybe i just need a rest....who knows.

as weird as this ill sound i feel like im going down the right path, but i feel lost, like i feel like im going in the right direction with my life, i just dunno why im so depressed and breaking down so much, i dunno sometimes i feel like i need to bang my head against a wall or a bit. BUT i came to a conclusion some ppl just are not worth my love and attention and respect, so just fuck them really let them get hurt and come crawling back....

hmm i should probs end this here...
Night all